I have to admit that I have not been following my own advice as of late. I haven’t really been to an AA, CR or any other type of addiction support meeting in a few months. I watch the TV show Mom a lot, but I can’t count that as a meeting even though it does deal with addiction on a regular basis… I know I need to go, but I have been letting my job situation (see last post) become the only focus in my life. And to be truthful, it is that much harder to make myself go to a meeting when I’ve been home all day job hunting and cleaning stuff out. I give myself the ‘why put clothes and makeup on if I don’t have to’ speech and I am pretty convincing. Plus there is that dread of having to replay the broken record of ‘I lost my job again’ to the good ladies of Alcoholics Anonymous. I can become reclusive at the drop of a hat and I am becoming aware that I am doing so right now!
A funny thing happened this morning as I was making my morning cup of tea. I recalled that my brother said the best way to get Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar in your system is to take a shot straight. So I took the shot straight and I really enjoyed the slow burning sensation that traveled down my esophagus and into my stomach and I immediately wanted to take more shots. I loved the feeling and quickly realized that’s how it used to feel when I would take shots of liquor! Only an alcoholic/addict would take a shot of Apple Cider Vinegar and have that reaction! I don’t know what to say other than it was another reminder to get my ass back in meetings. I mean I have no reason not to go. It doesn’t cost money and if Hercules is acting up I can always go down the list of numbers and have someone come get me. I might do that anyway because then you know… I have to get in the car. Tearing off the band-aid is always the hardest part… What comes after is easy.
I have been mysteriously sick this week, but I am going to make myself return to meetings next week. I might even make myself go to some not so familiar morning meetings to ease my way back in… you know tell my broken record story of job loss yet again to someone who might not have heard it yet. I am also making myself do some stuff outside of the house! I am volunteering at my church and going to a class on Sunday mornings so I have to show up. I also have some hikes lined up for the remainder of October, which will get me back to one of my favorite places – discovering new ground on a trail in the woods. I am hopeful that the activities of the next few weeks will get me back to my normal self and I am of course hopeful for either a temporary or permanent job to come through to allow me to finish paying off my debt this year (again, see last post). One thing I cannot afford to do is to recoil into a little ball and suffer alone. My health is coming back and I am going back out there to experience life in community, which is how I believe it was intended.
I’m curious… what do you guys do when you feel yourself recoiling? Or when you become aware of the fact that you haven’t left your house in a week? (work does not count) What are your action steps? Feel free to share below!