The Other Birth - Day Post

​Well, when I post this publicly, it will be my other birthday, some call it the non-belly-button birthday.  Mine used to be in August, but now it is June 10th.  Everything I am going through right now is because I lost my August date.  However, had I not lost my August date,  I wouldn’t have the peace I have around my own sobriety.  I guess I was one of those people who needed to relapse, which is weird to say since it is the one thing you are not supposed to do, but I needed it.  I bare knuckled it for 10 years and now I understand why it was so hard for me - I wasn’t done yet.  I hadn’t really proven it to myself.  I’m a Taurus with an Aries moon to say I am stubborn is an understatement.  I had to really prove to myself why I just can’t with alcohol or any other mood altering substance and I finally allowed myself to do just that.

It is weird to be in such a good place mentally and emotionally and such a bad place personally and financially.  On the one hand life is so much easier and on the other life is so much harder.  I am working on tackling the spending spree I went on for almost four years and wouldn’t you know that right as I was starting to buckle at the knee something happened!  By the end of this year I will have over 75% of the debt paid off.  That’s insane.  Especially if you consider my current salary.  I literally do nothing outside of work.  Thank God for NWSL on ION and LPGA!  But the light is starting to shine and the end of the tunnel is coming into view just when I needed it to!  These are the kinds of things they talk about in the rooms.  You keep doing you and keeping your side of the street clean and God will keep being God and things will start happening for your continued growth and development.

My timeline and God’s timeline are apparently about a year apart, but I am getting excited about my next adventure.  It is still a little ways off because I am getting to 80% debt paid prior to considering a move, but I am coming into that home stretch over the next 6 - 10 months.  Besides the last 20% will be a breeze.  I can’t believe what I’ve done thus far!

I also think I am adulting late in life.  I’m adulting in my 40’s.  I’m just thinking about everything very differently.  I can’t really explain it, I just have different priorities and I am wholly based in reality at this juncture. It’s not a bad thing.  I’m evolving a lot right now.  I am a healthier version with straight up boundaries and I am at peace with things I have never been at peace with before.  I don’t know what is coming, I don’t know what my next move will entail, but I am excited to learn and grow some more and I am excited for what I can’t see coming for the first time in a long time.  One thing I have learned this past year is that sometimes surprises are really good!