Jessica Lynn Lee
  • Home
  • Mental Health
  • Spiritual Living
  • Blog Archives

I TRUST...

2/24/2019

0 Comments

 
I had been feeling rundown for over a week.  I was just exhausted.  Everyday tasks seemed daunting… I felt overwhelmed by life and that overwhelming feeling had taken on a new form… oppression.  I felt oppressed.   I enjoyed nothing, had energy for nothing and only wanted my comfy mattress and warm covers.  I wanted an escape, but I didn’t know what to escape to… I started praying… asking for help because I didn’t want to feel the way I felt anymore and I didn’t know how to fix myself.  Then it hit me: spiritual problems manifest as physical problems.  Then I heard “I TRUST”.  I TRUST, I TRUST, I TRUST… It almost had a beat to it.  Over and over and over in my mind I heard I TRUST.  I allowed this to become a mantra for the rest of my day.  I TRUST became a backdrop in my mind.  ​

As I went through my day at work with the mantra on automatic repeat, I realized I had been putting a lot of pressure on myself as of late.  I had gained weight and couldn’t fit into most of my pants so I wanted to loose the weight as quickly as possible.  I was also contemplating going back to school and felt that I was in a now or never moment to change the trajectory of my life.  I was desperately searching for my next right step in so many areas of my life and I didn’t have any true clarity… or did I?  I realized over the course of the that day that I had been living out of my own power, instead of God’s power.  This is why I felt so powerless.  I was running on my own steam and my steam cannot sustain me.  Something had to change.  Again the mantra “I TRUST”.  As I continued through my afternoon something interesting began to happen within my mind.  Those unrelenting and scary discussions I was having within began to hit a brick wall: I have to loose these 15 pounds so I can wear my clothes and go on a date or two….. I TRUST; I have to keep up with my Disciple classwork… I TRUST;  I have to get these ten things done this week so I can keep moving myself forward already…. I TRUST;  I have to find a new job and pick a master’s program and figure what in the hell I am going to do with my life now or I’ll…. I TRUST.

By the end of the day those thoughts and many others couldn’t even really get started in my head - the mantra would automatically kick in and kick those unhealthy and unhelpful thoughts out.  I also noticed that my energy level had picked up and I was beginning to feel like myself again.  The next morning I awoke feeling a million times better.  It seems as though, at least for this time, a spiritual problem had, indeed, manifested into a physical problem.  I wasn’t physically sick, I had been spiritually sick and my creator led me to the source of the problem.  I need to trust.  I need to trust God, I need to trust myself and I need to trust others and the universe to have my back.  I did not have a physical ailment, I had a spiritual ailment - a trust issue.  I also have to learn to stop living out of my own power and start living out of God’s power.  I am still learning what this means, but for now I have the mantra “I TRUST” knocking out unhealthy thought patterns so I can breathe and enjoy life again.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    October 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    February 2019

    Categories

    All
    2020 Protests
    2020 Riots
    Abundance
    Abundance Challenge
    Acceptance
    Accountability
    Christianity
    Christian Living
    Deepak Chopra
    Ekhart Tolle
    Faith
    George Floyd
    God
    Hope
    Jesus
    Lightworker
    Love
    Manifesting
    Meditation
    Mindfulness
    Racism
    Resolutions
    Respect
    Self Love
    Self Worth
    Spirituality
    Spiritual Living
    Spiritual Thoughts
    The Power Of Now

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Mental Health
  • Spiritual Living
  • Blog Archives