ALCOHOL

“That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.”
― Charles Bukowski

The quote above is a great recap for what inevitably happens if I decide to allow alcohol back into my life.  It just somehow becomes the thing I do pushing all of the other things I was doing out of my life.  And I don’t like that.  It has always been all or nothing with me, but then again I am an all or nothing person.

It is amazing when I look back at all of the wonderful things that have come into my life while I was sober.  Hiking, photography, creative writing, stand up paddle boarding, yoga, travel and exploration, reading a ton of books, working on major side projects I want to share with the world, learning new crafts and trades, taking up golf and ballet… just to name a few.  And then there is the other me.  The one who drinks alcohol.  This last stint I only drank wine as I didn’t want anything stronger, but it turns out the wine was strong enough to slowly take over all of my other things and I slowly turned into the girl who doesn’t want to do anything if wine was not involved meaning I either sat on my sofa, sat on a patio, or sat in a bar.  The sober girl is way more interesting, wouldn’t you agree?

And I like who I am these days too.  I like who I have become.  It might be the first time in my life I can say that.  I am very intentional with my life and my time.  I look for quality friendships with people who will appreciate me for who I am and what I have to offer.  I am no longer okay being around people who tolerate me.   I may not be content with where I am in life right now, but I am content with who I am in life right now.  I like me.

I don’t think I ever realized what all alcohol was taking from me.  I just couldn’t see it.  I mean back when I was really bad off I could see my health fading, and after I got sober the second time around I could see how my love affair with alcohol had taken my career, my friendships, and chances at love, but I never realized what else it was taking on a day to day basis.  It took my peace of mind and replaced it with insane emotions and a whole lot of anxiety.  This I found out recently, when I decided to have a glass of wine after a few months of not drinking.  The next 48 hours were shit.  I was an emotional rollercoaster and my anxiety went through the roof.  I couldn’t resonate with my affirmations or keep myself on a lighter vibration to match what I am calling into my life.  I really felt horrible.  I have always heard that people with anxiety or depression should not drink but this was the first time I experienced it living color.  It made my decision easy.  I walked alcohol back out of my life.  I don’t need the emotional and mental torment.  I don’t need to forget about all of the stuff I want to do and accomplish and I don’t want to lose the woman I am right now.  I like her and I want to keep her around.

PS. If you are sober curious and would rather have an alcohol replacement instead of just going cold turkey - try these:

• Apothekary - Take the Edge Off  & Rose Colored Glasses Tinctures (apothekary.co)
• Recess - Mood Enhancing Powder Packets (takearecess.com)

Yes, they are alcohol and CBD and THC free. Made of herbs, man!  And they relax you like a glass of wine might.  I personally use Apothekary in the evening when needed and Recess is more of an afternoon delight, for me at least.  There are loads of others out there, but these are the two I have direct experience with and actually use - mainly on the weekends. And, no, I get nothing for including them in my post other than helping someone else out.

✌🏻Jessica Lee