Heart Strings

Crushes are a funny thing aren’t they?  You literally find yourself enamored with someone you have never met!  I think they are peculiar to say the least.  For me, attraction is so much more than a pretty face.  I need to hear your voice, discover your vernacular, study your thoughts, your actions, your expressions… All of this together forms the crush.  But even so, there might be crickets if I ever got the chance to meet a crush.  Could we carry on a conversation over dinner?  Would we vibe?  Or would it be forced conversation and painstaking silence?  Would we get each others jokes and sarcasm or would we take every phrase the wrong way?  There are so many men I would like to have dinner with to just find out.  I’m a curious cat.

Crushes for me aren’t always just some weird looking guy who catches my attention.  Many of them seem to have a purpose.  Many of them bring something into my life I might not have otherwise had if it weren’t for the stupid little crush.

“Billy” for instance, this crush goes way back.  But something I read stuck with me and served me when I moved to LA.  He said, whatever you are looking for you can find it in Hollywood, in Los Angeles. He also said the key is to be very intentional about what you are looking for.  If you want social climbers, you can find them everywhere. If you want fair weather friends, you can find them all over the place.  If you want some of the best quality people and friendships that will last a life time - you can find them there too.  But you have to  be intentional about it.  And that is what I did.  I set my intention to cultivate lasting and quality friendships and that is exactly what I found in LA.  The best friends, the best people, I often wonder why I left, like I really wonder that a lot! I’ve stayed in touch with almost all of them!

Another crush taught me the “Shh”.  I was going through a lot of mental and emotional stuff at the time.  I read several articles and watched some interviews and videos where “Steve” used this “Shh” to quiet his mind, to quiet his thoughts when they were racing out of control and taking him down a bad path.  I started using the “Shh” myself.  Then the “Shh” became something that worked a little better for me - “I can see you”.  Have you ever tried telling your thoughts you can see them?  Telling your mind you can it?  For me, at least, it has a silencing effect.  All thoughts cease immediately for enough seconds to make me forget what was going on in my head and I instantly feel better and lighter.  I wouldn’t have gotten to where I am now without the “Shh”.

More recently, there was another “Steve" that garnered my attention.  I had gained a bunch of weight, had lost some hair, was just going through it as a woman in her early 40’s and I read about this dude and his love for ballet.  I recall him talking about how great of a workout it is and how he only started taking ballet for pure vanity.  He had seen some male ballet dancers and wanted to try to look like them.  I thought, well, hell, I’m gonna try it too.  Something very out of the ordinary for this tomboy who played soccer growing up.  My claim to fame is having to intercept passes from Team USA’s, Cindy Parlow.  That girl had cannons for legs and I had to shake off every pass I successfully intercepted.  So, any who, I’m not the girliest of girls and I don’t exactly have a right and a left foot if you know what I mean.  But ballet?  I have fallen in love with ballet!  I found Ballet Misfit on YouTube and took her Complete Beginner series and then her Beginner series and I will be taking her Intermediate Beginner series later this year.  I am also loving a ballet fitness program by YouTuber, The Lazy Dancer.  Dansique Fitness is another favorite.  I highly recommend anyone wanting to learn as an adult to start with Ballet Misfit.  She will teach you everything so you can do other more advanced videos or take in person and be able to keep up - something else I plan on doing later this year.  The interesting thing is the ballet has started some sort of renaissance in me.  I am getting back into my writing, and my photography and I am just all around getting back to the creative self I seemingly left in LA.  I cannot imagine my life without ballet!  It saved me.

And now there is “Mr. Fantastic”!  He’s a doll isn’t he?  And he is definitely living his best life right now. His love of theatre and reading up on all of his theatre background reminded me of how much I loved being a part of a show!  I have done live show production in a previous life (this one, but it seems like another life time at this point).  I have worked in the control room too.  I loved it.  I loved creating the experience.  I loved working with whoever was on stage.  I loved being a part of a team, of a family?  I loved being a cog in the wheel of putting on the show.  I miss it, actually.  I had a lot of fun, and a lot of laughs, a lot of sheer terror when everything was on me with a live audience, but I really did have fun.  I say all of this to say I am being reminded  that it is time to make myself a part of the show again. I guess “Reed” is layering on to the renaissance I am experiencing.  I don’t fully know where this crush is taking me, but I am excited to find out.

Note: If any of the “superheroes” mentioned above are reading this and spot themselves - I’m always up for some good conversation! 😊😉