Jessica Lynn Lee
  • Home
  • Mental Health
  • Spiritual Living
  • Blog Archives

Life in the Bull Pin

5/1/2016

0 Comments

 
Hello from sunny and very warm Florida!  Have you ever had the flu in 90-degree weather?  Isn’t it amazing that when you have those pesky chills that nothing can make you warm!  I even tried wearing a sweat suit while bundled up in three layers of blankets in 90 degree plus heat and it didn’t help me one bit!  Whatever flu I had, I kicked its butt with potent vitamins, plenty of water, detoxing yoga sequences and lots of sleep.  I give the sleep part to God because I honestly don’t know how I was able to stop the nose blowing and coughing so I could sleep like a baby through each night, but I did.  I can also tell that this sudden halt to my life is going to be continuing for a while as my respiratory system is very compromised so here’s to enjoying a slower pace, more yoga than weights and learning the art of what they call an active restful peace.
 
Life in the Bull Pin has been tough although I am finally adapting to my environment instead of constantly trying to escape it.  I started watching a show called Life or Debt and some wheels started turning in my head and I came up with a budget for my current existence.  I had to cut my groceries, toiletries and fun money in half and as a result I am getting rather creative with my food options to stay on budget.  I have been attempting to follow my new budget for the past few weeks and have done well so far.  My goal was to stop having to cut into savings each month especially since I cannot put anything into savings!  This budget is not a long-term fix since I cannot effectively pay off my debt and keep out of savings, but it will allow me to at least make ends meet while I am in the bull pin.  The simple truth is plainer than day:  I cannot stay where I am, but the door remains locked as to going any where else.  And so, I created a budget for the bull pin. 
 
I find that whenever I get sick, it gives me time to reflect on my life and this time around I realized that I have been running myself ragged trying to make Jacksonville work.  When I first arrived here, there were better paying jobs available, but I was burnt out and needing some rest.  Now that I am mentally back in the game, the good paying jobs have vanished.  They are just not here.  The Jacksonville economy is really weird anyway.  There seem to be three sets of jobs available here – an insane amount of minimum wage to high 20K, a few $30K’s and then a bunch of $50K-200K+ jobs that are manager/director level and out of my reach.  Jacksonville is a beautiful city boasting great weather, a river front, the intracoastal waterway and several area beaches, but the economy here is wack and it is probably responsible for the fact that this amazing city hasn’t grown like it should have considering all it has at its finger tips.  Anywho, I kind of got side tracked, but the point I was trying to make is that I have been making myself sick trying to make Jacksonville work.  I sit all day at a desk reconciling things on multiple computer screens, come home, work out, then get on the computer to job hunt and apply to jobs and nothing worthwhile ever seems to come back.  And I’ve literally been doing this for a year!  While I was sick this time around – it hit me that maybe I need to take a step back.  When I first came here, I was told that Jacksonville is preparation – so maybe I need to stop trying to hold on to something that apparently doesn’t want me to hold on to it. 
 
On a brighter note, I had an insane outburst at a festival I attended very recently, but it hit me later that day, that it was my first outburst in weeks!  I have turned a corner in the temper department and I guess I had to have an outburst to realize how long it had been since I had one!  LOL.  But in all seriousness, I am continuing to work on staying calm and being an example of love and grace to all I meet.  It is not easy, but new habits are taking the place of old ones and my outbursts are becoming less and less a part of my life.
 
And now, I feel I am learning the art of really letting go of the steering wheel of life.  I now realize that I have done everything I can to the point of extreme exhaustion to prevent what seems unpreventable – total financial collapse.  I just can’t worry about it anymore.  I just have to let go of the steering wheel.  My new prayer is that I would know when I am taking the wheel out of God’s hands because it is hard to decipher between taking the wheel back and just using plain common sense.  All I know is that I am no longer job-hunting like a crazy person.  On the weekends, as I have time, I will do a local hunt and a national site hunt and if the hammer drops before I land something then so be it.  I will take myself back to Tennessee where I have a house I can stay in rent-free.  Sometimes we have to stop trying to walk or keep up and allow ourselves to be carried.

0 Comments

    Categories

    All
    12 Steps
    2013
    2014
    2015
    2016
    2017
    2018
    2nd Peter 2:9
    Absurd Plan
    Abuse
    Acceptance
    Accomplishments
    Addiction
    Addiction Neurology
    Adoption
    Adrenal Body Type
    Adulting
    Adventure
    Agnostic
    Alcohol
    Alcoholics
    Alcoholics Anonymous
    Alcoholism
    Alice In Wonderland
    All Lives Matter
    Aloneness
    Alternate Nostril Breathing
    Alton Sterling
    American Justice
    Anais Nin
    Angels
    Anger Management
    Anorexia
    Answer
    Answered Prayers
    Anxiety
    Appreciation
    ARC Churches
    Assumptions
    Attention
    Attitude
    Auld Lang Syne
    Beach
    Being Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable
    Belonging
    Bethel Music
    Betrayal
    Bible
    Big Book
    Biopsy
    Black Lives Matter
    Blessing
    Blessings
    Blessings In Disguise
    Bliss
    Blossom
    Brian Houston
    Bucket List
    Budget
    Bullies
    Burning Season
    Calm My Anxious Heart
    Cancer
    Career
    Car Problems
    Celebrate Recovery
    Celebration
    Celebration Church
    Change
    Character Defects
    Charles Kinsey
    Chevy Impala
    Choices
    Christianity
    Christmas
    Church
    Circumstances
    Clarity
    Cling
    Closure
    Clutter
    Coincidences
    Collierville
    Comfort Zone
    Commandments
    Commands
    Common Sense Gun Laws
    Community
    Compassion
    Complaining
    Condem
    Condemnation
    Confirmation
    Confusion
    Connect
    Consequences
    Contentment
    Control
    Coolant System
    Coping Mechanisms
    Corral
    Counting Blessings
    Courage
    Craig Strickland
    Crash
    Craving
    Creative
    Creative Energy
    Creativity
    Creator
    Crossroads
    Cultivation
    Cutting
    Dad
    Daniel Kevin Harris
    Daydreams
    Dead Ends
    Debt
    Decision Paralysis
    Decisions
    Defiant
    Demean
    Depression
    Derams
    Desert
    Desire
    Desire To Escape
    Destiny
    Diabetes
    Diabetic
    Direction
    Disappointment
    Discomfort
    Dissatisfaction
    Distraction
    Doubt
    Doubting Thomas
    Dreams
    Easter
    Eating Disorders
    Empowerment
    Entertainment
    Entreprenuer
    Erwin McManus
    Exodus 14:21
    Expectations
    Extraordinary Life
    Faith
    Father
    Fatigue
    Favor
    Fear
    Fears
    Finances
    Financial Crisis
    Financial Pressure
    Financial Stress
    Fitness
    Florida
    Flu
    Focus
    Follow Me
    Friend
    Friends
    Fruit Of The Spirit
    Generosity
    Germantown
    Getting Over Fears
    Giants
    Gifts
    Goals
    God
    God Shot
    God's Will
    Golden Rule
    Good Friday
    Grace
    Gratitude
    Great Shepherd
    Growth
    Gut
    Gypsy
    Hank Fortner
    Happiness
    Happy
    Happy Heart
    Happy Hours
    Happy Life
    Happy Mind
    Happy New Year
    Happy Thanksgiving
    Healing
    Health
    Healthy
    Heartbroken
    Heaven
    Higher Power
    Hiking
    Hillsong
    Holidays
    Holy Spirit
    Hope
    Human Journey
    Identity
    Impact
    In Between A Rock And A Hard Place
    Indecision
    Indentity
    Indignant
    Inner Joy
    Inner Transformation
    Instinct
    Insult
    Intention
    Intuition
    Jacksonville
    Jesus
    Jesus' Arms
    Job Hunting
    Joby Martin
    Joel 2:25
    Joel Osteen
    Joe Smith
    Joseph Campbell
    Josh Turner
    Journey
    Joy
    Joyce Meyers
    Joy Killers
    Jumping To Conclusions
    Kim McManus
    Kindness
    King Of My Heart
    King Of The Jews
    Knoweledge
    Labor Day
    Law Enforcement
    Leadership
    Leap Of Faith
    Letting Go
    Lies
    Life
    Life Balance
    Life Lessons
    Life Navigation
    Life On Life's Terms
    Life Or Debt
    Life Purpose
    Life Script
    Linda Dillow
    Live Love Lead
    Live Show Production
    Longing
    Lonliness
    Loose Ends
    Los Angeles
    Love
    Lower Vibrations
    Making The Best Of Things
    Making The Old New Again
    Malibu
    Margaret Shepard
    Math
    Meaning
    Meditation
    Melanoma
    Memphis
    Mercy
    Messages
    Metamorphosis
    Midnight Moments
    Ministry
    Ministry Leadership
    Miracles
    Mirage
    Mistakes
    Mitzvah
    Mockery
    Mosaic
    Moving
    Music
    Nashville
    New Job
    New Year
    New Year Resolutions
    Nomad
    Nudges
    Opportunity
    Option Overload
    Outbursts
    Pain
    Parable
    Passion
    Pasture
    Path
    Patricia Newton
    Paul
    Peace
    Perception
    Perseverance
    Perspective
    Philando Castile
    Phillipians
    Phillipians 4:11-13
    Plane
    Planning
    Plot
    Plot Twist
    Police
    Police Departments
    Policing
    Power
    Praise
    Prayer
    Preparation
    Pressure
    Production
    Promises
    Prompting
    Propellers
    Propel Women
    Prosperity
    Protection
    Public Speaking
    Purpose
    Redeemed Esteem
    Red Sea
    Regrets
    Relationships
    Reliance
    Repairs
    Reroute
    Resolution
    Resolutions
    Resurrection
    Retail Life
    Returning Home
    Rewards
    Ridicule
    RiverTown
    Road
    Robert Frost
    Role Model
    Romantic Comedy
    Rookie
    Russ Austin
    Saint
    Satisfaction
    Satisfied Life
    Savior
    Scripture
    Seasons
    Seasons In Life
    Self Belief
    Self Doubt
    Self Harm
    Self-harm
    Self Respect
    Self Sabotage
    Self-sabotage
    Self Talk
    Self-torture
    Self Worth
    Serenity
    Seth MacFarlane
    Shavasana
    Sheep
    Shepherd
    Shift In Perspective
    Sin
    Sinner
    Sober
    Sober Birthday
    Sober Life
    Sobriety
    Social Anxiety
    Soul
    Soul Journey
    Soul Transformation
    Southpoint Community Church
    So Will I
    Spiritual Healing
    Step 4
    Step 5
    Steve Jobs
    Steve Maraboli
    Stress
    Stress Response
    Stubborn
    Stuck
    Success
    Suffering
    Sugar
    Suicidal Dreams
    Suicidal Thoughts
    Suicide
    Surrender
    Sustainer
    Taurus
    Tebow
    Temper
    Tennessee
    Testimony
    Thanksgiving
    Thought Life
    Timid
    Timing
    Tim Tebow
    Tithing
    Trail Life
    Tranquility
    Transformation
    Trekking
    Trust
    Truth
    Twist Of Fate
    Unemployment
    Unwanted Feelings
    Unwanted Thoughts
    Upheaval
    Value
    Vegan
    Vegetarian
    Veteran
    Victory
    Victory In Defeat
    Victory While Suffering
    Visions
    Voices
    Voices In The Garden
    Waterfall
    Waves
    Waves Of Life
    Weed
    What If
    Willlingness
    Winds Of Change
    Wisdom
    Wonderlust
    Word
    World Adoption Day
    Worship
    Worth
    Wreck
    Writer
    Wrong Turn
    Xanax
    Yeshua
    Yield
    Yoga
    Zachary Levi
    Zeal

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Mental Health
  • Spiritual Living
  • Blog Archives