A Game of Trust

We all know the saying don’t place all of your eggs in one basket, but if that one basket is what we truly want, are we foolish for ignoring other opportunities?

For almost two years now, I have been trying to open a door for myself in the entertainment industry in Los Angeles.  Over the past two years I have gone from trying to get a job in the industry to just trying to get a job somewhere within the LA metro area to moving without a job and rooming with an acquaintance.  As you can probably guess, I have received nothing but rejections on the job front and utter disappointment with any potential living situations.  I have many reasons for wanting to be in LA: the weather, the mountains, the beaches, the writing community, my screen and television writings, etc.  I mean if I want any chance at getting anything I write actually made into a movie, I pretty much have to be in LA, but the road to LA, for me at least, has a giant sinkhole in the middle of it and if you walk to the edge and look down into that hole you will find me sitting there looking up and waiting for someone to throw me a rope. 

I feel like LA is where I am supposed to be, but I am not and I cannot shake this feeling either.  Every time I have an opportunity elsewhere, I feel as if my urge to go to LA becomes that much stronger as if not going to LA equals giving up on my dreams.  What makes matters worse is the fact that I cannot stay where I am right now.  Not career wise, not location wise and not living situation wise. I have to go somewhere and the only rope that anyone has thrown me is a rope I do not want to catch.  So do I continue to sit in the sinkhole or do I catch the next rope and allow who and whatever is on the other end to pull me to safety?

 I mean one can only keep hope alive for so long before it is time to face the facts.  At some point reality has to be reality and one has to place some eggs in a different basket.  Not that I’m ever going to stop writing, but I can only let life pass me by for so long before it is gone.

I guess the real problem is that I have this notion that what God wants for me is the exact opposite of what I want for myself and that as a result I will never be happy.  Warped? Yes, but I do feel that way and I don’t know why. 

What I do know is this: I have heard stories of people who ended up walking down an unexpected path in life and how happy they are they did.  I’ve also heard of people who never settled for anything less than what they wanted and sacrificed years of their lives to obtain what they believed was their destiny and they couldn’t imagine doing anything else.  The only real difference with the latter group and myself is that the latter group had a way of continuing to relentlessly go after their dreams.  Whether they had a substantial financial cushion or family and friends that allowed them room and board...they had a way to continue whereas I do not.

Maybe it all comes down to a game of trust between my Creator and myself.  Maybe I need to trust the moves He chooses to make in my life even if those moves don’t seem to be in line with what I want. I guess if He can create this universe, then He shouldn’t have any problem creating a life for me.

Perhaps courage is not moving forward in the direction you want to go regardless of the cost, but instead opening yourself up to the path you are on and the realization that some roadblocks just aren’t going to go away.  Maybe real courage is trying with all of your might only to realize that you can’t make something happen no matter how bad you want it and just maybe it is supposed to be that way.  Maybe real strength lies not in the holding on, but in the letting go.  What do you think?

Have any of you had to “let go” of a specific vision or dream you had for your life?  If so, what happened?  Have any of you had to place some of your eggs in a basket you really didn’t want? If so, are you glad you did?